Those few faithful readers(read it as unfortunate) may have found a common theme among my posts.. yes .. don repeat.. lamenting... constant and as wild as it can get.. I tend to do this as this is the only place where i can do it the easier way.. where I don see scornful looks, yawning mouths,uncomfortable people and the like..
yet another lament.. nth post.. yeah.. /*lament alert*/
I found out,as usual too late to find out anything good( like a good book or a good friend for instance) , that in my university there's this prospect of changing departments or even campuses is possible(may be this is yet another rumour that prevails.. ~~who knows~~) BUT FOR TOPPERS.. blah!
~~What if I prospered well in academics..
~~What if I really got that golden chance..
~~What if the colleges had a better modus operandi of admitting students..
~~What if my class din have those maniacs and studying machines whose world is all filled with first rows and text books..
~~What if I were one among those sickest of the sick people..
~~What if there really is something called good luck..
~~What if life's something that could get close to being fair( atleast once!!)..
~~What if I had sensed all this a bit earlier..
~~What if subjects were atleast in the same zip code as interesting..
~~What if i hadn't known anything fun except books..
~~What if there were real tests instead of stereotype memory evaluation processes..
It's always nice to play this WHAT IF game.. Life is fair only for those who dream and dream alone.. for reality is the opposite of dreams literally and yeah truly because whatever happens in your dreams is not supposed to happen in reality( not even by chance .. then you'll be doomed as a lucky guy),not even accidentally..
After all this please don come to the conclusion that this is yet another grief of the severely disappointed, highly let down, socially unstable,academically unfit, mentally depressed( read it as supressed.. for if i mention it I'll be deemed as a socio-path) seventeen year old.. yes I'm all this but there's the society and society means people who speak eye to eye and constantly suggest that somewhere in the 44th lane in the islands of Bali there's this street hawker who has got worse problems than that of mine..(gimme a break.. who cares if others have a bigger problem) and hence i have to keep a smiling face all the time though i cry deep down in my heart.. The irksome feeling of a dream being shattered in front of my eyes.. proclaiming this: WELCOME TO REALITY ..
And here I'm.. still unsure of my current position in my life cycle( whatever they say that it is) having put up a smile and walking through the city streets as if nothing more than a sun-burn had hurt me ever since my birth.. and am smiling.. :) because of(read it as for) those few people who really count in my life.. who really mean it when they wish I see better days in my life.. friends and family whoever cared to wipe those tears off my face... and yeah am smiling.. with gratitude and love.. :)
Excerpts from the tear smudged pages of the disturbed teenage..