Tuesday, July 31, 2012


I was walking along. There was a crowd. I wanted to know what was happening. Curiosity always gets the better of me. So, I walked in the midst of those people. They were telling each other their experiences. They seemed really happy. The one that isn't fake. There was no need for drama there. The moment seemed priceless to those people. They were smiling. I observed them carefully, real carefully. 

Some of them were crying. They weren't sad or anything. In fact, they were smiling amidst tears. I didn't understand how that worked but they did seem happy. But they were crying. I observed them carefully. I tried to figure out what was happening. 

Some of them seemed like they were lost in thoughts. I wished I could read their thoughts. They did not seem lost though. Their eyes were clear. They had a certain Zen which was unbelievable. Again, I couldn't understand how it worked. I took it all in. At least I tried to. 

I came back home. I stood in front of the mirror. I remembered all those faces. I tried to do whatever they did. I smiled. Smiled so wide. I thought this is how they must have felt.

I cried. Silently. I tried to remember all the awful things that had happened to me. I cried. I cried till I choked. And then I tried smiling, smiling between tears. I thought this is how they must have felt.

I freshened up. Tried to get lost in thoughts. I started thinking and wondering about stuff like, why is darkness black. Why should earth be habitable. And so many other questions that I thought were unanswered. I thought this is how they must have felt.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't fix on a single emotion. I was curious to find out. Then I thought, someday I'll realize what success feels like.

This was something I wanted to write about. Don't leave condolences and consolations as comments. Thanks in advance.