Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The two faced coin

Thursday 17th March 2011,  7:03 pm


From : abhinaya.karthik@mailsnip.com


To : karthik.abhinaya@mailsnip.com


Subject : empty


Hi. Its high time we talked about stuff Karthik. I have certain things to share. I have been waiting for the right time and now I feel I should be telling all this, for I fear the right time may never come.


***

Thursday 17th March 2011 7:03 pm.


From : karthik.abhinaya@mailsnip.com


To : abhinaya.karthik@mailsnip.com


Subject : empty




Hello. Its high time we talked about stuff Abhi. I have certain things to share. I have been waiting for the perfect moment and now I feel I should be telling all this, for it may be too late.


***


I don't know how or where to start. I thought we'd go on without talking about this but its getting more and more burdensome. By the way did you check the bills that were on the dining table? Last night's pizza is in the fridge. Its been 17 hours since I left home. I don't know when I will be back.

***
I have so much to say and I am not sure where to begin. Its getting heavier by the day. I had the leftovers of last night's pizza. And the bills have been taken care of. I came back an hour ago. The trip was a success. I don't know when you will be back.

***

Karthik, how could you do this to me? After all that happened. How? Do you even understand how I feel?


***


Abhi, how do you even do this to me? Do you feel the same way? I wish you go through this too.


***




Its suffocating Karthik. You know those times when you would go on and on and on? I wish you hadn't talked at all. Those times when I had to talk and keep waiting for your response. I wish I hadn't talked at all. Every time Karthik, every time. Whenever we danced I had to lead. Whenever we kissed I had to be the one who initiated. Come on! What were you even thinking? There are days when all I needed was a hug and a shoulder to cry. And all you would do was stand and stare. Like I conveyed nothing! What were you even thinking? 


***


Its overwhelming Abhi. You know those times when I used to talk and you listen like a baby? I just loved how much you valued putting up with me. You know those moments you talk about everything under the sky? I wish I could make you feel how I feel at those moments. Whenever we danced I let you lead. I didn't attempt to kiss you whenever you didn't want to. I wanted to be different. I wanted to make you feel special. You remember those days when all I did was to sit and look at your face. Those moments were filled with silence but I believe those are the times when we had the deepest of conversations.
***



That cover full of stuff under the bed? What was that? It started stinking. I feel like I don't even know you anymore. Check if the maid had cleaned that. Fuck! Why am I even bothered about that house. I don't want to come back Karthik. It sucks to know that there's no other place to go.


***


I can't find the bouquet under the bed. So I assume you got it. Hope you liked the card too.


***


I don't even know why I'm mailing you all this. I tried telling all this to your face. Then I thought I should be talking to the same face that doesn't react at all.


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I don't even know why I'm mailing all this. I would love to tell all this to you directly. But you render me speechless, every single time.


***


I wish I never get back home. I don't love you anymore Karthik. Bye.


***


Waiting for you to knock the door anytime. I love you Abhi, more than ever. Missing you. Bye.


**************


Thursday March 17 2011 7.31 pm


The mail service provider was probably flipping a coin to decide whose heart to break first.



3 comments:

  1. Beautiful idea. Simple writing. The essence of the idea was very well brought out, until that last line screwed it up for me. Minus the last line, it is a decent post. I liked it.

    ReplyDelete