Sunday, September 25, 2011

Bada Bejaara pochu

What? What is the problem with you? I’m simply asking. It shouldn’t rain for half an hour? It rains when we are all asleep and the roads start playing spot the difference with the drainage. Shouldn’t we travel at all? Leave this aside. At least some roads are okay. But traffic. I can’t even begin to describe.

Who is that genius who coined the term ‘crossroads of life’? This is something called metaphor you fools.  But no, you don’t know that. In the middle of the road only you will get wonderful thoughts. What are you? Tolstoy? You stand at the junction and stare at passing vehicles and smile at people who are honking the horns. Idiot they are not applauding you, they are asking you to move.

And then the families, large ones with grand old thathas and kids with shoes that make noise, who are on the way to a wedding. You and all should catch a lorry and go to a wedding. Why are you crossing roads like some group of protesters? The wife will drop her ara mozham malliga poo only when she is crossing the road. The old lady will remember that she didn’t turn off the cylinder. Why do you crawl from one side of the road to other? That baby ohmygod it won’t stop crying. 

Hey, you lady. Your dog will go for sussu only in main road ah? No, no? Then take it for a walk in your neighbourhood. We all know you have spent 15,000 in buying that dog. If only it had a job it would give 10 rupees extra to escape from your house. You won’t give food or water but you want it to go for sussu na how it will go? Pedigree and all supplement only. If you give just that add two bananas with the diet. Else don’t ask it to try.

The cyclists think they are Wangari Mathai or what? We understand you are green citizens and want to avoid pollution. But there are other green citizens in the form of auto drivers. You are showing stunt like Lance Armstrong and this autodriver scolds us using words that he himself don’t know meaning about. How will he know if I have thangachi or not? He doesn’t care. What if I stay in hostel? What will I answer if I’m running away from home and he asks me ‘Veetla sollitu vandhiya?’ Already I will have guilt. 

Pedestrians will do window shopping from the road. Arey, use binoculars and do window shopping from house. There is a procedure to ask lift. You can’t come and fall in front of my bike and ask for a lift. I’m Share auto driver kya? 

Everyone cannot be Ambani and buy helicopters. Walk sensibly. Don’t listen to Abishek Bacchan and walk and talk. Already traffic police are asking regular shares from my pocket money. Don’t make me pay for accidents also.

Be good.

Thank you Local party  for the inspiration :D

PS: I had created a tumblr site and had posted this. Re posting it here, as that site became obsolete :)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I will simply go ahead and call this article Rahul Dravid

I don't have a stack of statistics to throw or a bunch of anecdotes to quote but if it wasn't for one man I wouldn't have realised the need for perfection in anything you do, The Wall. He is also sometimes known as Rahul Sharad Dravid when his father is angry and summons him to his room.

I remember watching his debut at the Lord's. A recorded footage of course. Me, being the Sourav fan I am, usually skipped the rest of the match every time except for Dada's innings. I grew up as the kid who loved every batsman who could clear the boundary. If you were able to hit a six, you were a superman to me. Be it Tendulkar or Agarkar. Dravid always came off as the guy who slowed things down, brought the run-rate to single digit figures as soon as Sehwag or Sachin got out. But once I crossed the age of 15, run-rate and sixes did not mean as much as consistency or  temperament. 

I started following test cricket more religiously. Dravid and Laxman made me assure myself that white kits are more pleasing to the eye than the coloured kits. With his cover drives and late cuts, it was love at first sight with Dravid. It was that period of school life where discussing stuff like batting average and bowling figures was thought to be  'cool'.  And it was RSD's side who always won the argument when it came to batting average. He made us realise how hard it was to remain consistent. And the guy who was mocked at for bringing the run-rate down and slowing down the game ended up scoring one of the fastest ODI half centuries in the history of Indian cricket.

Dravid is that corporate guy who would come to a business meeting with a tie and shoes even if it was wear-a-t-shirt-to-work day. He was a man who respected the game. He was the man who taught us how to look at it. Dravid was charming and was loved by the girls for the way he was. Dravid was a text book cricketer who was loved by the guys for the magic he cast on the field. He was someone who could not be hated. He was someone who could not be not loved.

He has played at all the positions, fielded at all the positions, kept wickets, bowled, took wickets. He would probably transform into a coach for the Indian team in a few years proving that his name is synonymous with Indian cricket, whatever be the format. 

You feel guilty when you expect someone to perform even at the direst situations where there is nearly no hope of recovery. Dravid ended up making us feel more guilty by delivering every single time he was expected to and even when he wasn't. People would scream out loud that the match is a lost cause even then their hearts would hope for a knock from Dravid. Because people knew him. People believed in him.  He broke down when he couldn't get the team past round one during the world cup when he donned the captain's role. That probably was the only role he thinks he couldn't pull off. I would say he was the captain the team did not deserve and that's the reason they faltered, failed under him.

Dravid is that kid in school who slogs day and night to achieve excellence. And having achieved that, struggles harder to maintain the momentum. Dravid, though performing at top levels almost in every game, probably had the fear of failure all along which made him work hard, harder than the rest and hardest of them all. As  Siddhartha Vaidyanathan has mentioned here  Dravid was the player who never once came into the field without his shirts tucked in. He was the worshipper of the game. He held it that close to his heart.

He hasn't played the blame game. He hasn't criticised his team mates or other players of the game for that matter. He has always been humble, even when he walked into the field with his head held high. He never gave excuses when he failed to exceed expectations. He just did better in the next game. When the formats changed, the game changed, the colours changed, one man remained consistent.

Most of us ended up praising some other performance in the games where Dravid's innings played an integral part but did not contain as many boundaries or wickets. We ended up cursing him when he declared when Sachin was on 194 at Multan. Blaming him for the pathetic exit in 2007.

He endured all that. 
Because he is whatever the country wants him to be. Because sometimes truth is not good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. They want their faith to be rewarded. 

A hero. A hero whom we did not deserve. A hero we needed. He was the silent guardian, a watchful protector, the Dark Knight of Indian cricket.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

You wouldn't quite care even if I titled this as the next best thing to the next best thing you would ever come across

I'm screwed.
So are you.

There is never a  perfect day. There is never a perfect moment. You can plan a day only as much as you can plan your birth. At the end of the day nothing would have worked according to the plan. Not because your plan failed, but because others' succeeded too. 

Now is the right time. Never wait for the perfect wedding ring. It's not perfect because it's made of the purest gold or the best cut diamond. It's because it's you on the knees and she holding her hands out.

Tomorrow never arrives. Whatever that has to happen eventually gets lost in time. Lowering the temperature on the air conditioner today is not going to kill your neighbour tomorrow.

You do most things not because you like them but because they expect you to. You avoid certain things not because you dislike them but they are judgmental. Most of us die before we figure out who they are. The rest of us realise they were never real.

We are screwed.
So are they.