Long due

It has been a while. Not just a while. It has been years. 

3 years and a few months to be precise.

Its like getting hit so hard that I'm on my knees and I have lost all the strength to get back up. 

I am exhausted. I always thought giving my best meant reaping the rewards for the effort that went in. I never once realized that my best need not always be good enough.

Its hard. Its like walking down some road blindfolded, knowing that there's a cliff in the end.

I had to come back to this place. 

I had to ask for help. 

It happened again today. After a long time. After giving everything and losing it all.

I prayed.

Success

I was walking along. There was a crowd. I wanted to know what was happening. Curiosity always gets the better of me. So, I walked in the midst of those people. They were telling each other their experiences. They seemed really happy. The one that isn't fake. There was no need for drama there. The moment seemed priceless to those people. They were smiling. I observed them carefully, real carefully. 


Some of them were crying. They weren't sad or anything. In fact, they were smiling amidst tears. I didn't understand how that worked but they did seem happy. But they were crying. I observed them carefully. I tried to figure out what was happening. 


Some of them seemed like they were lost in thoughts. I wished I could read their thoughts. They did not seem lost though. Their eyes were clear. They had a certain Zen which was unbelievable. Again, I couldn't understand how it worked. I took it all in. At least I tried to. 


I came back home. I stood in front of the mirror. I remembered all those faces. I tried to do whatever they did. I smiled. Smiled so wide. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I cried. Silently. I tried to remember all the awful things that had happened to me. I cried. I cried till I choked. And then I tried smiling, smiling between tears. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I freshened up. Tried to get lost in thoughts. I started thinking and wondering about stuff like, why is darkness black. Why should earth be habitable. And so many other questions that I thought were unanswered. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I couldn't decide. I couldn't fix on a single emotion. I was curious to find out. Then I thought, someday I'll realize what success feels like.




This was something I wanted to write about. Don't leave condolences and consolations as comments. Thanks in advance.

Dear ladies using MTC, why?

Dear ladies of Madras,

"Since everyone is quoting all kinds of nonsense and saying that I said all that, let me make my mark on this blog post also." - Mahatma Gandhi.

This is not just a blog post. This is the culmination of the outrage I have accumulated over the years and since this place is where all the open letters end up, mine shall also. 50 percent of the ladies population can perhaps relate to this post, the rest can simply read and laugh. The former, do not take it seriously and send lawyer notice and all to me. Trust me, na avlo worth piece ellam illa. (I am not worth the effort)


First of all, second of all and third of all, one big salute to you. I mean really, with so much amazingly awesomesauce talent you occupy the gents side of the MTC buses and sit like you belong there. If only a guy sits on the ladies side, one lady from each seat will start yelling "Yen pa,  ladies nikkaraanga la!"(Ladies are standing no?)  I mean wow. You want equality and reservation, is it? If I come and ask you to get up saying this is 'gents' seat, that's all. You will start one anti-me group, recruit members and collect donation before the next stop comes.


I am ok with standing also. But what I don't understand is that you ladies are standing alternatively along both the columns like one Bharathiraja dance sequence and making it difficult for men to walk inside the bus. The conductor is also one paavam fellow. Apart from all this you will give one look. I am seriously asking, you think we wake up at 6 o'clock, brush teeth with close up, drink bru coffee, wear pant sattai, run behind the bus and all to come stare at you or rub against you? 


Whilst the process of engaging my superior colliculus on serious thoughts like "Will the canteen have Masala Dosai during lunch or not?" and other first world problems, we accidentally look at you. Or may be you look pretty and we look at you. That's all. Finish. You will picture a scene where Mahmood Ghazni is looting and pillaging Somnath temple where we men are Ghazni and you are, well do the math.  If I give my bag also you won't carry. You will give one expression that will seem like I asked you to carry my child. 


Nobody wants to travel in bus ok? If you stand near the door and ask evreryone to go inside followed by the most conscience less dialogue ever "Ulla avloo edam iruke pa!" (There is so much space inside no?) when all the men inside including the conductor are standing like dogs before transformers, what will we do? 


One special service for students were started. That also you started occupying. Now they call it the students/ladies bus service. Why is there no gents service? This and all if I ask I will come off as one male chauvinistic anti feminist posh scene putting boy who can't adjust with reality.
Most of the boys turned like this only after getting off 21G or 21L.


Slighta understand the situation. Cut down the drama, a little bit. Because, a journey of a thousand miles begins with an MTC season ticket.


Yours sincerely,
Yet another footboard commuter.

Why?

Why did it end?

Because, he walked away.

I don't think so.

Then why?

Because, she walked away also.

First kiss

There are so many sweet incidents, memories and many random events which wouldn’t classify as anything meaningful to be shared. They made my world. Once in class seven, I was frantically walking around the class searching for something that I had lost. I didn’t notice that she was standing next to me. I was moving my hands all around the place and screaming at someone. She was apparently talking to someone nearby. My hands which were swinging in random directions made contact with her teeth. That was the closest any twelve year old would come to getting kissed. I remember laughing over this when I told her all about the incident a few years from then.




.

They took away our Jobs

The greatest superhero of our time did not wear a cape. Was not clad in a dark suit with a mask. He wasn't found riding on horses. He was one among us, yet distinct. He was walking alongside millions of us all the while being miles ahead. He was the essence of confidence. He was clad in a black turtleneck and a blue jean.

He is innovation. He is inspiration.  He is immortal. He is the Apple of our i.

RIP Steve.

You wouldn't quite care even if I titled this as the next best thing to the next best thing you would ever come across

I'm screwed.
So are you.


There is never a  perfect day. There is never a perfect moment. You can plan a day only as much as you can plan your birth. At the end of the day nothing would have worked according to the plan. Not because your plan failed, but because others' succeeded too. 


Now is the right time. Never wait for the perfect wedding ring. It's not perfect because it's made of the purest gold or the best cut diamond. It's because it's you on the knees and she holding her hands out.

Tomorrow never arrives. Whatever that has to happen eventually gets lost in time. Lowering the temperature on the air conditioner today is not going to kill your neighbour tomorrow.

You do most things not because you like them but because they expect you to. You avoid certain things not because you dislike them but they are judgmental. Most of us die before we figure out who they are. The rest of us realise they were never real.

We are screwed.
So are they.   

கிறுக்கல்கள்-2

காதல், வெட்கம் மற்றும் சில கவிதைக்கு அப்பாற்பட்ட  காரணங்கள்.

கையில் பட்டாம்பூச்சி வண்ணமாய்,
கடற்கரை மண்ணில்  காலடியாய்,
நெஞ்சில் உந்தன் முகம்
சுவடு வைத்து போனதடி.

சென்னை நகரில்,
கோடை கால குழாவைப்போல்,
உன்னை பார்க்கையில் , தாய் மொழியும் மறந்ததடி.

இருட்டிலும் பளிச்சிடும் பற்கள்,
வேலி போட்ட மல்லிகையடி.

ஆணுக்கு நானும்
பெண்ணுக்கு நீயும்
காதலுக்கு நாமும் உவமயடி.

இதுவரை நான் படித்த
கவிதைகளுக்கு அர்த்தம் புரிய வைத்து,
இனி நான் எழுதும் கவிதைகளுக்கு அர்த்தமாய் போனாயடி.

இரவில் நீ குழந்தைக்கு சோறூட்டும் அழகைக்கண்டு

மேகத்தினுள் மறைந்து,
வெண்ணிலவும் வெட்கப்படதடி.

கவித்துவம் 

காதோரம் கருமயிர் காற்றடித்து
கன்னத்தில்விழ
கைவிரலால் களைந்து
கண்சிமிட்டும் கவின்காட்சியை
காணக் கண் கோடிவேண்டும்.

வெள்ளைப்பொய்


வேறொருத்திக்கு நான் எழுதிய கவிதையை படித்து
என் கன்னத்தில் குழி விழுமா? என்றாய்.

ஆம், என்று சொல்லி உன்னை சிரிக்கவைத்து 

தேடினேன்.

உன் கன்னத்தில்.. குழி.

Letters from nowhere

Most of the sanest conversations I have are with myself. It's a great joy when you get answers that help, opinions in your favour and appreciation for the most mediocre things that you perform. One can't expect others to do. Not even the best of friends will be able to give you a pat on the back for keeping your desk clean. Every man needs a Tyler Durden, someone within you, to guide, give constant feedback and to push you back up every time you fall down. I thought writing to myself would be fun, would be of help and would even make me feel better. So here,

Dearest me,

None would let you know the truth about yourself unless you stumble upon it by yourself. It's because the world is filled with two kinds of people. People who are very nice to point out the bad things in you and people who are not so nice to point out the good in you. So basically you have to find them yourself but since you are so busy concentrating on important issues like updating your Facebook status, I am here to save the trouble.

Life is not always fair as everyone around preaches. On the contrary it's mostly unfair to you. But the best part is that it's equally unfair to others as well. It never rains just on top of your head. If you get wet, so would the person standing next to you and the next.

None becomes a rocket scientist overnight. It's not like you should not try at all, but to expect immediate results for every action that your perform is natural but pointless. At the same time you shouldn't be investing your time and efforts on something that you know is not going to be fruitful. Like trying to grow apple trees in the Arctic. Remember, hope is the best thing. But it's not the only thing that's required.

You might fail, more than the number of times you would ever succeed. You should. Failure makes the success more dramatic and makes your celebrations better. Appreciate small successes like kicking the stone out of your way or making a baby smile. There are bad days, and then there are days which are worse. Somewhere in between you will have days that you would want to remember. Don't forget to recollect them. They say your entire life flashes before you just before you die. You must know where to fast forward and where to stop. 

Success stories are flawed. They are made to look like what they are today. It's like history. Most of it is too good to be true. None mentions how they met the right people at the right time. None mentions their inspirations. None EVER give out details of those people who gave them their million dollar idea. Success stories are made to inspire and they should end at that. You shouldn't follow anybody but yourself.

Ideal world exists only in philosophy and physics. You can't expect good deeds in return for good deeds. You shouldn't question them too. When you throw stones at a tree it gives you fruits. Do you ever question that? Then you shouldn't be complaining when you get stones in return for fruits.

In the end it all evens out. All you should look forward to in a day is one proper meal, a genuine smile, a hug and a good night's sleep.

Go live. Complaints are not those you would want to tell your kids and grand kids about. They must know that it would have been fun to have spent their lives with you when you were in your teens. You must live such that you have stories that make them smile and not complaints that make them feel bored. You have a whole life in front of you.

As one of your dearest friends said, "Today is the first day in the rest of your life." Don't let the tears blind you from the beautiful life that lay in front of you.

So long.

The two faced coin

Thursday 17th March 2011,  7:03 pm


From : abhinaya.karthik@mailsnip.com


To : karthik.abhinaya@mailsnip.com


Subject : empty


Hi. Its high time we talked about stuff Karthik. I have certain things to share. I have been waiting for the right time and now I feel I should be telling all this, for I fear the right time may never come.

***

Thursday 17th March 2011 7:03 pm.


From : karthik.abhinaya@mailsnip.com


To : abhinaya.karthik@mailsnip.com


Subject : empty




Hello. Its high time we talked about stuff Abhi. I have certain things to share. I have been waiting for the perfect moment and now I feel I should be telling all this, for it may be too late.

***

I don't know how or where to start. I thought we'd go on without talking about this but its getting more and more burdensome. By the way did you check the bills that were on the dining table? Last night's pizza is in the fridge. Its been 17 hours since I left home. I don't know when I will be back.

***

I have so much to say and I am not sure where to begin. Its getting heavier by the day. I had the leftovers of last night's pizza. And the bills have been taken care of. I came back an hour ago. The trip was a success. I don't know when you will be back.

***

Karthik, how could you do this to me? After all that happened. How? Do you even understand how I feel?

***

Abhi, how do you even do this to me? Do you feel the same way? I wish you go through this too.

***

Its suffocating Karthik. You know those times when you would go on and on and on? I wish you hadn't talked at all. Those times when I had to talk and keep waiting for your response. I wish I hadn't talked at all. Every time Karthik, every time. Whenever we danced I had to lead. Whenever we kissed I had to be the one who initiated. Come on! What were you even thinking? There are days when all I needed was a hug and a shoulder to cry. And all you would do was stand and stare. Like I conveyed nothing! What were you even thinking? 

***

Its overwhelming Abhi. You know those times when I used to talk and you listen like a baby? I just loved how much you valued putting up with me. You know those moments you talk about everything under the sky? I wish I could make you feel how I feel at those moments. Whenever we danced I let you lead. I didn't attempt to kiss you whenever you didn't want to. I wanted to be different. I wanted to make you feel special. You remember those days when all I did was to sit and look at your face. Those moments were filled with silence but I believe those are the times when we had the deepest of conversations.

***

That cover full of stuff under the bed? What was that? It started stinking. I feel like I don't even know you anymore. Check if the maid had cleaned that. Fuck! Why am I even bothered about that house. I don't want to come back Karthik. It sucks to know that there's no other place to go.

***

I can't find the bouquet under the bed. So I assume you got it. Hope you liked the card too.

***

I don't even know why I'm mailing you all this. I tried telling all this to your face. Then I thought I should be talking to the same face that doesn't react at all.

***

I don't even know why I'm mailing all this. I would love to tell all this to you directly. But you render me speechless, every single time.

***

I wish I never get back home. I don't love you anymore Karthik. Bye.

***

Waiting for you to knock the door anytime. I love you Abhi, more than ever. Missing you. Bye.

**************

Thursday March 17 2011 7.31 pm


The mail service provider was probably flipping a coin to decide whose heart to break first.

Make a choice

The world around us is made up infinite space. With innumerable points scattered all around us. Yet each point has its own co-ordinate and is unique. Each point has a name, has a behaviour and is different from the others. That's how man is defined. Each of us (you, me and that fat stranger who takes the dog for a walk ) are different. If we draw a Venn diagram with all possible character traits as the universal set, almost everyone of us would have large sets of common traits. Yet we are different, some at the very basic level (like the ones with six fingers) and some at levels of immense complexity that one almost fails to spot the difference. It would be appropriate to recollect Pauli's exclusion principle here. It governs electrons and their behaviour governs us. Q.E.D.


Man stands alone. One might ask why. With the multitude of common factors between any two persons why does one have to stand alone?

Life, as we know it, is governed by decisions and when it comes to decisions it ultimately comes down to you. Sixth sense, rationalism, distinguishing good and bad, intelligence and many fancy names are given while people try to explain the most selfish act that man performs every minute. For example, take game shows where there's an option called 'Public opinion'. They give you the result of what a handful of men like you think and finally you are expected to make a choice from that. Its the average man's choice rather average of a group of men's choice. If you say this is trivial, consider demanding situations like undergoing a surgery. The doctor asks you to make a choice. It doesn't matter if you HAVE to say yes, you are still given a choice.
Was the creation of the Universe forced or by choice? You may never know. There could be a force governing the creation which in-turn is governed by another set of attributes. Probably there were a handful of men giving suggestions about which planet to choose and the guy in charge of creation chose Earth. May be he did not want to, may be it was like undergoing a surgery. You may never know.

When making choices comes freewill. Its like your shadow at noon. Its there but you can't see it. Its ultimately your wish and will to press the button with or without considering other factors. You might not want to handover your car keys and watch your girlfriend get shot. Or you can consider irrelevant factors like love, humanity and common sense and handover your car keys and still watch your girlfriend get shot.

You had a choice to whether read this load of nonsense or to close the window and watch Rebecca black on youtube. Yet I presume you chose to read this not because you were an insomniac and believed this would put you to sleep but you wanted to. To create the illusion of freewill here I let you to choose the title of this post. Call it whatever you feel like. Call it "Relativity disproved" or "Menu card of Saravana Bhavan". It ultimately comes down to you.

I'd love to quote Jigsaw here "Make a choice"

A little bit of truth

This is not some lame attempt at sweeping  you off your feet. If I could've I would've.

You,

Yes, you. I sincerely hope you are reading this. This is the first time I'm writing to you and I really wish this is the last time too. Yes, its been too much of a burden to carry and walk around. And it tires me. Its hard. You wouldn't know. Do you? Don't surprise me by saying yes. As I hear, you know what I think of you. Or as I would like to put it 'thought' of you. It was hard to type it in the past tense but what the hell? Am putting an end to it tonight. You grew in me like so badly. There have been several good memories which, you probably forgot or worst case you never knew they existed. Who would remember asking some ridiculous physics formula to some stranger? Well, I do. Ah, chuck it. People would probably go 'Awww sweet' but yeah, it doesn't matter. Not anymore to me, just like it never mattered to you. Its been a terrible 5 months and I must thank you for all the good memories. I'm sorry you might be the subject of a million stories I might write in the future, just like how you were a part of a few that I had already written. I made plans of asking you out and all that. Very funny when I come to think of it now. Very funny. Its like a very bad probability problem that remained unsolved. 1, .95 and it went on towards zero and just to give me a little ego boost I'll consider myself worthy of a 0.25 probability of being the one, alright? Just play along. Life works in strange ways, the six degrees of separation and all. So there's always a mighty chance of running into you at weddings or someplace else. I'd be skipping a beat even then just like how it happens(d) every time. Now listen, I'm all done. I wouldn't have written all this but this is what a sleep deprived exam facing 19 year old guy does at 3 am in the morning. So yeah, I'm over you. It took me 3 minutes to type the last sentence. But there, I did it. Listen, I'll never be able to ask you out even if I wanted to. You're a tinge way too awesome for me. So calm down. Don't freak out. I still kind of like you, savoring this for the bed time stories I might get to tell my kids. I want to end this, I can sense you're getting bored. So yeah, continue staying awesome. Go, be a good girl :)

Me.

Let go 

Again, This is not some lame attempt at sweeping  you off your feet. If I could've I would've.

The stranger

He was sitting on the park bench by the side of the tree that was shedding the last of its leaves. He was staring at none in particular. He had this calmness, a saintlike calmness on his body and yet he  seemed agitated. His hands would remain silently rested on either side of him while his eyes showed pressure. His pupils dilated and expanded continuously. He was not drunk. The man with the brown coat was observing him from the bench that was a good five yards away on the opposite  side of the street. Their eyes met. The man in the brown coat came towards him and extended his hands. He reciprocated and asked him to sit next to him. They remained silent for a while.

The man in the brown coat could not hide his curiosity and asked him, "What do you do, sir?"

"I live", came the reply.

He seemed to be giving a reaction of having given a more than satisfactory answer.

"What do you mean you 'live'? So do I and a zillion others.", said the man in the brown coat. And that was the cue for him to start listening and the other guy to start talking.

"I live. By which I meant I live in a world where the zillion others you mentioned merely exist. What do you do everyday? Wake up, brush, have coffee/ breakfast, go to work and come back. You might have a family. A wife and probably a couple of kids. You might get to hug them, everyday. You kiss your wife goodbye on the way to work. So do the zillion others. Occasionally you get to drink, for you don't seem like someone who is an alcoholic. You might smoke  five? ten? may be fifteen cigs a day. May be more. You might get some sex once, twice or may be thrice every fortnight. If you have kids who are infants or toddlers that probability goes down. For all I know you might not be married. You might have a girlfriend. You go on a dinner date may be every couple of days. Probably you have a ring tucked inside your coat pocket for weeks together now. All this could be you. You are one in 13% of the country. The remaining 87% is divided into many such similar groups of similar people doing similar things. And yet you proclaim you live. Life is not a routine. That Darwin guy? What did he say. He said life is an evolution. When you and I evolved from unicellular grime. That was because the world needed change. We have been humans since a million years ago. We will be the same. May be more learned, more sophisticated. Yet the men give into the calls of women. All a man does is breathe, fuck and multiply. You asked me what I did. I'll tell you. I wake up. I take a look out of my window. Everyday I see different people. I sit and study them. They are all similar. Sometimes I wonder how two people have almost the exact same lives. Even our fingerprints are not the same. The music in no two songs are the same. There are 6 strings in a guitar. A billion combinations. There are 60 million cells in our body, yet a handful of people. Stereotypes. You asked me what I did. I dream. I dream of a different life everyday. I break all stereotypes. How many different dreams have you had? Being rich? Marrying the most beautiful woman? Living in the biggest mansion? My dreams are different everyday. I dream about trucks. With eleven wheels, four on top in case it topples. I dream about butterflies which are changing colours depending on the object they touch. I swear I can show you a purple coloured fella. Life is finding the needle in the haystack. The mistake that you commit is you are approaching it by neglecting the wrong areas. I live it differently by approaching the right ones. Equivalent labour, more probability of success. I live"

The guy in the brown coat spots two men at a distance. The other guy asks, "Have they come yet?" 


He asks "Who?"


"The two of them. I can sense it. I'll have to go now. Start living. Search for the needle"

The two men come near, give him his daily dosage of medicine. He hallucinates, faints, lies down without any struggle on the stretcher. The van at the end of the street reads "Central hospital for mental health and allied ailments"

Why success stories are inspirational

The web is full of videos and articles that narrate the success stories of great men and women who have been through a lifetime of troubles to reach the place they are at. And we, the not-yet-successful lot watch those million videos and think "where am I going wrong?" 

The answer is, nowhere. Those people did not know where they were right on the journey. They simply met the right people and took the right turns after learning that the other road hits a dead end. Success stories are framed, written and narrated in such a way that they seem like the product of all the misfortunes that ever happened. Success stories are exaggerations.  They seldom contain truth. These people try to connect the dots backwards. Every single person who says he failed in history at school coating it with humour would've cried for hours thinking "What am I going to be?" But today, all we know is that they did not care about failure and they kept working.

They say when Edison's dog screwed his works which were a product of weeks of hard work he didn't mind. He didn't shoot the dog because he was either insane or did not have a gun. Simple. When a pack of cards drop one worries about the falling card but not the one that is at the end of the row standing tall waiting for its fall. 

Success stories never guide you, all that they do is make you feel guilty. 'Chasing your dream' s the term every narrator uses. If only it was as easy as that. Half the scientists wanted to be cobblers. Some of the best economists started off college wanting to be home makers. Life is clueless and you fail more than you succeed. Only thing that was common to all successful people is the fact that they did not give up. They had 24 hours just like you and me, they decided to sleep less.

Remember, today's successful people are the ones who failed yesterday. 

When in India, be a cricket fan

Its been an hour and half and I'm still not sure how to celebrate the greatest Indian accomplishment I ever witnessed.

Curses, praises, screams of joy and swear words were all that I came across when the Indian team was up on the field battling for the holy grail of international cricket. I remember 2003 world cup, probably the first world cup from which i have memories. 2007 was a disaster and I couldn't catch every single match due to the time zone difference and all that. Coming back to 2003, the tourney saw the complete wrath of the man I worship, Sourav Ganguly. He was remarkable and I was believing he could bring us what Dev and his men did years ago. Sadly, it never happened.

This year, at home, almost everyone of us believed we could do it and we did. For Sachin, for Yuvraj and most importantly for 1.2 billion people. Imagine, its the world cup! I remember almost ever single ball, savouring  the match with my dad. Complaining, scolding and losing hopes more than once when Sehwag walked to the pavilion without as much as a single boundary. Sachin disappointing yet again and when Gambhir seemed like he was struggling. After the 30th over every fog of doubt got cleared and there was this comfortable red carpet that led us to the cup of glory.

That catch Sehwag took off Tharanga's bat, the dive that I saw of Yuvi at backward point after a millennium, the way Harbhajan and Yuvi hugged each other and cried, the saint like expression on MS's face after he scored the winning runs. Every single moment shall remain deep in our hearts. Every single player upon whom doubts were cast played today. I bet even though Sachin has a million other innings to remember and cherish, this would top his list. That medallion which reads "winners-world cup 2011", will be wet with tears of the great man himself.

I have been giving my opinions on how Sachin is overrated and all this god worship. But today, I tell you, one needs a quality to be overrated and he has it. Cricket truly being the religion that we proclaim it to be has united Indians across the stands of the Wankhade, across towns and cities, across the country and across the globe. I'm pretty sure the celebrations have not ended yet.

Every year it needs 190 plus countries to discuss world peace and unity and today we showed the world that a sport can unite a nation.

Eleven men to rule them all, eleven men to find them, eleven men to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.


I'm proud to say I lived when India won the world cup. I'm proud to say as a result of today's match, I lived.

When the dominoes started their fall..

Its sunday night. Some people are partying, some are cribbing about monday blues, some are preparing for math tests while in the eastern most part of our planet people are dying.I happened to read this post, The end of the world as I see it. Here I sit with a zillion questions about Nature and what a bitch it is proving itself to be.

I'm not blaming anyone in particular not that god person or whoever I must think to be responsible for. People are sympathising, praying and wishing nothing more should envisage Japan and its people while I sit here with a strange feeling which I guess is mostly guilt. Was discussing this with my friend, asking why should one country face repeated bashing while others are safe and sound cheering cricket. There might be kids and people of my age who are as entitled to life as much as I am but are crying out loud because they lost their mom,dad, siblings or a part of themselves. Is it fair? I asked this question so many times in the past two days that I lost count, "What kind of a design is this?"


My friend said there is no point in feeling guilty, mankind has been programmed to sympathise and do nothing but move on as there's nothing more one can do. Imagine this scenario, this might make you understand how I feel: The teacher is punishing that kid sitting in the first desk while you are in the last desk looking at him getting beaten with a cane all the while having the same unfinished homework in hand.

I do not wish to be Nostradamic and post my predictions as to how and when the world will end. In fact I don't believe in the 2012 crap myself. I can't help but think that there are people smiling and dancing while there are people drowning in misery. Its sad that I wait for Sachin to score a hundred while the Japanese are hiding their children from radiation. Imagine a kid born last week, which was the centre of attention and the reason for its family to smile, laughing and wetting the diapers knowing not that his mom and dad are crying all the while when they are trying not to wipe the smile away from his face. What if that's the last thing they ever see?  Why should this happen? If all the world has to end let it end in a whisper. Why to show off?

Just because you can, you shouldn't, bitch.


The world needs love, spread it. Spread it wherever, whenever and however you can. And that love shall give the finger to whomever responsible.

The Unnamed Entity.

And god said let there be light

Ingredients like hair, skin, antidote for Pond's age miracle et all were used and man was created. In the beginning was this naked man, Adam, a single solemn entity who found solace in eating carrots like Bugs Bunny. There was his female counterpart and she is known by the name Eve(probably Stephanie Meyer was influential in coining the name) Their hobby was gardening and they covered every possible space available with trees of a million kinds which their successors would eventually cut down. And he ate the forbidden fruit, the apple. No, not the selfish fruit company that names all their products starting with i. Also that's the probable reason why we call the lump on men's throat as the Adam's apple. Very uncreative I say, it looks nothing like an apple. Coming back, he tasted the forbidden fruit and *bang* Adam and Eve got transformed into what men and women would behave a million years from then. Sadly they failed to read the terms and conditions and clicked on it just like everyone else. So Life, as we know it, started. They got naughty and gave birth to kids which cried all night long and did not allow them to sleep. They did not have diapers back then and so the Ayers rock and the Nile were probably the result of the kids' well, you-know-what.

Man got accustomed to living in this green planet which is basically 3/4th water and I have no idea which genius decided to call it green instead of blue. Man experienced happiness, sadness,agony, heartbreak and heart attack. So the world started behaving like how it would be a few million years later. Man started feeling all these multitude of emotions. He started thinking, wondering about himself,others and life in general. He was happy and wanted someone to share it with. He was sad and wanted some shoulder to cry upon. He fell in love and wanted someone to express it.  He made friends, adopted natural selection. Gave birth to kids and kids called him dad and his female counterpart as mom. He wanted to teach his kids a lesson. They had to learn. The kids were more intelligent than the parents themselves. And man found this phrase " I told you so." The kids started questioning. They asked him who told you so? Man did not have an answer.

Man was lost. He felt lonely. He wished for things and wanted someone to ask it to. He wanted to pray. He wanted a guide. He wanted a torch in darkness. He wanted someone to blame. He wanted an answer to all unanswered questions. He wanted a master. He wanted a superior. He wanted a secret. He wanted faith. He wanted to be blind. He wanted to be bound. He wanted to be controlled. He wanted a reason to love, to fight. He found a religion. He wanted isolation. He wanted bloodshed. He wanted hate. He wanted wrath. He wanted war.

And man said let there be god.

Pay attention, its free!

Life, is a social experiment.

For plenty of people social networking is life, while in actuality life is a web of social networks. Its said that joy doubles and sorrow halves when shared. People have stopped realsing the value of that, thanks to the fast growing world where people can't even spend time to smile at the next guy. People today feel lonely in a crowd, lost amidst best of friends. Why? Lack of attention. It so happens that in a group of friends you might have favorites. As the group gets bigger the attention naturally gets divided and sadly people tend to forget one or two. Yes, in a group of best of friends. Being left out is not their choice or leaving out them is not their option. Yet it happens and there comes a divide between people which may rise due to inexplicable reasons. Isolation is something that no man has mastered to deal with. Life, both social and the social networking phase of it, is all about notifications. Learn to appreciate the existence of the fellow being. Pay attention, it costs you nothing :)

Life, is a social experiment.

One thing off my bucket list :)

It all started in the first semester. Having heard that the college has a Theatre club I wanted to join that, not robotics or the computer society. I'm not boasting but its been a long time dream to act, rather learn to act and there I had a lovely opportunity and yes I grabbed it. There were auditions and yay I got in :D

January comes and everything begins to unfold slowly. Theatron Anna Univ, started off with the reading and then there came blocking ( yes, I can scene-potufy with technical terms) And we started rehearsals.Though I skipped like a zillion of them, I had the best time with the people there. We bonded easily and had way too much fun. Here is my look down the memory lane in no particular order:

Gokul:  Such a fun guy. Being a final year he bonds amazingly with juniors, kudos for that. Coming to your character, THE LION :D :D :D He's the show's highlight. With the orange wig and the suit, he made us erupt with laughter everytime he came on stage :) You were the first guy i got introduced to in the group. You are a total win in whatever you do.

Vikram: Such a nice chap and a brilliant actor. Extremely dedicated. A great inspiration to everyone who acts along. And as Amitash says," None has to inspire you, you have to inspire yourself" Such actors are rare and you are the only one I personally know. Was a great pleasure knowing you and glad that I found a good friend in you. Hero :)

Amitash: Our director :) Just like how he scares the people in the team he decided to scare the crowd by playing a Ghost :D Extreme talent, great experience and it was a great privilege working under you :) May you reap success in whatever you do :)

Merwin: I don't know why but I see him as a brother since the initial days of Theatron (No ice vechufying, this is truth) There are really few people who are nice to everyone without any reason but just because they are nice. Merwin is one such guy. You are such a warm person and I really feel sad not to have known you earlier.

Prashanth, Nishok and Shyam: We share not just the scene but many moments together :) It was great fun spending time with you and these moments shall not be forgotten easily :) Hope we stay in touch.

Siona: Such an animated personality. Best person to have fun. I'd spend all day with you without getting bored :D  Have I told you? You are my faaaaaaaavorite in the whole team :D I love you.

PS: Thanks for letting me play angry birds on your phone :D


Archna: Whatay voice man! You are soooo much fun. The way you mock Merwin and Sundaram haha, best moments. I'll never forget your "Lift up your puny orb" :D We shall have more fun in the next production.

Ayshwarya: The Mermaid :D  It was great fun to see you, Archna and Siona mock Gomes and Sundharam :D. It takes courage to pull off such a role and you were brilliant :) Hope we get another chance to work together.

Vijay: Macha! Bandito! Jogehsty! Assistant Director! :D How do I call you? Semma fun chatting with you during rehearsals. The Bandit role can 't be pulled off by anyone except you. I'll never forget these moments spent in your company.

Sundharam: Whatay sacrifice you made for the role :P None can ever forget your mokkais Mr. Gym body. The amount of work you put into this production, massive! Take a bow :)

Anjana: Not to forget the lead "who blew fresh air into the play" as said by many. You are an amazing actress and I really wish I had seen your performance in Fire and the Rain. It was amazing spending time with you and hope we relive this during the next production.

Abi and Anu: I seriously can't recollect what all I spoke to who between the two of you. So here we go. The surprise element of our team :D The highlight scene and the way you built up to the show with a gazillion changes in dialogues and design. It was great working with you :)

Nivetha: We started speaking like during the very end of the production and you are TOTAL FUN. Wish I knew you earlier. You are electric I tell you :D Hope we work in the next production and I'm sure I'll have a blast.

Not to forget M.T and  Advaith :) Great job guys.

I did not plan on writing a post like this till a few minutes back. I woke up and I felt so emotional after a long time. I seriously had tears, when we were huddling and giving hugs to each other before the show. I don't know if it was happiness, nervousness or the feeling that this day will never come again. It was such an emotional moment when we were holding hands for the prayer. I guess you all felt that too. Love you guys and I'd give anything to relive this one month that passed in a swish. Hope we all stay in touch for a long time to come. You guys who began with being a part of the crew I acted in, ended up becoming a part of my life. I found a friend, a really good one, in everyone of you. I'll miss you guys like crazy. We have one more show to do tonight and I will have the time of my life. I seriously need a hug right now. EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE SIMPLY AWESOME. I can't wait to start our next production :) And I really hope I'm a part of it.


This post means so much to me just as everyone of you :) You people have magic in you. 




Loads of love.


Vi,vi,vi,vi... Vignesh :)

What to name it -2

It was a warm day and the happenings added more warmth to it. He had a wide grin, couldn't stop smiling. He came into the drawing room. You know people say that the smile of a baby cannot be compared with anything else? Well, it can be compared with that of a 70 year old's toothless grin. His friend was waiting for him. He started narrating the day's happenings and all through the narration he was beaming with happiness. The friend was listening intently and he wished he'd have such an experience soon. The old man finished his narration and soon a tinge of sadness filled his face. A sudden thought cast a dark shadow on his mind. It will be one more week, seven days before his son would visit him. Till then he'd spend the time listening to others in the old age home narrate their days with their children.