Long due

It has been a while. Not just a while. It has been years. 

3 years and a few months to be precise.

Its like getting hit so hard that I'm on my knees and I have lost all the strength to get back up. 

I am exhausted. I always thought giving my best meant reaping the rewards for the effort that went in. I never once realized that my best need not always be good enough.

Its hard. Its like walking down some road blindfolded, knowing that there's a cliff in the end.

I had to come back to this place. 

I had to ask for help. 

It happened again today. After a long time. After giving everything and losing it all.

I prayed.

So the world has shrunk, is it?

There used to be a time when your only friends were those whom you went to school with or those that you played with after school. There used to be a time when cousins of your same age were categorized as friends. But today, the thing that scares you the most is a friend 'request' on Facebook from your mom/dad. For those familiar with Twitter, a colleague or a long lost school friend following you is something that would scare you. Not because you don't like them, but because it would be harder for you to maintain the image you have created for yourself. 

The internet has made our lives into something like a restaurant. We choose what we see and work with. If you do not find someone's posts on Facebook interesting you unsubscribe from their news-feed. Yes, internet today can be summed up as Facebook + Twitter + E-mail client. Less than one percent of our internet time is going into constructive work. We read one Wikipedia article for every hundred tweets we read. I'm being generous here. Only one percent of the Wikipedia pages are completely read. It is indeed sad that the internet is eating into our lives.


I happened to stumble upon a fact that Google search results vary from person to person. Even computer to computer for the same person, depending on attributes like location and even the browser you use. We are not reading news in the form of facts. We are reading what the algorithm assumed to be our topic of interest.


You make friends with people whom you haven't even met. You are far more comfortable talking to them about stuff you probably won't discuss with your classmate. One, it is because you find these people to be anonymous and well cut out from your life for the information to come back and bite you. Two, it is because you think these people match your wavelength or in layman's terms they crib about the same thing you do.


Ask yourself how many good friends you had and how many good friends you have?
How many of them have you met online? 


Imagine the number of personal data you have let out into the internet. None of us have the faintest idea about how much of it is recoverable. Facebook is using the data to try and make it more user-friendly. 


Did you notice how many of your friends have disappeared from your news-feed? Do you think it is because they are inactive on Facebook? If so, you have been fooling yourself. It is because you did not pay enough attention to their posts for a certain period of time. You stopped 'liking' their posts. You stopped commenting on their photos. Facebook assumes you do not find them interesting anymore and has made ignoring them easy by removing them from your news-feed entirely. Facebook is phasing out your friends. It is playing the boss by showing you what interests you. It is a machine and it probably is wrong.


Like I said your life has become a restaurant and you are choosing what to see while the internet decided what not to see. It gives you the illusion that you are connecting with people across the globe all the while losing touch with your next door neighbor. Day by day you are becoming an island where all you can see are  the things you once found interesting and the internet assumed that summed up your world.


Ask yourself, has the world really shrunk?

Why?

Why did it end?

Because, he walked away.

I don't think so.

Then why?

Because, she walked away also.

You wouldn't quite care even if I titled this as the next best thing to the next best thing you would ever come across

I'm screwed.
So are you.


There is never a  perfect day. There is never a perfect moment. You can plan a day only as much as you can plan your birth. At the end of the day nothing would have worked according to the plan. Not because your plan failed, but because others' succeeded too. 


Now is the right time. Never wait for the perfect wedding ring. It's not perfect because it's made of the purest gold or the best cut diamond. It's because it's you on the knees and she holding her hands out.

Tomorrow never arrives. Whatever that has to happen eventually gets lost in time. Lowering the temperature on the air conditioner today is not going to kill your neighbour tomorrow.

You do most things not because you like them but because they expect you to. You avoid certain things not because you dislike them but they are judgmental. Most of us die before we figure out who they are. The rest of us realise they were never real.

We are screwed.
So are they.   

Immaculate Misconceptions

I've been asked the meaning of the blog's title many a time and I love explaining it every single time. Simply put it means Perfect Misunderstandings. Now the time has come for me to use the name of my blog as the tile of the post which i'm about to start rambling upon. People have had the weirdest ideas about me and now I feel this would help them to draw a better picture of me.

To begin with I'm not Chinese, Nepali or someone from the lost islands of Mongolia. I'm Indian. I look Indian. I don't even eat Chinese food. My family lineage remains Indian to the farthest ancestor I can trace back to.

I don't know Kung fu. I don't take secret Kungfu classes to passport-less Chinese kids in India.

I eat. Just like you, just like the next door guy, just like the Orca whale. I survive because I eat. Next time don't ask me "Vignesh, don't you eat at all?"

I'm not Robert Pattinson. I'm not a vampire. I don't bite random strangers. I have no clue why I look pale.

I sleep. Yes, believe me I do. I stay up when you sleep and sleep when you stay up.

I'm a vegetarian. I don't know why some people ask " How could you not eat chicken?" I don't ask them "How could you eat chicken?"

And I was told that egg is not vegetarian. The question that immediately follows "I'm a veggie" is "Do you eat eggs?".

I don't sit in the first desk. I text from class. I don't take notes.

I like speaking in thamizh and I love it when girls speak in thamizh. One does not forget English if you limit the usage. The Sundal paiyan or the guy who asks for change outside railway toilets may not be entirely happy if you start peter-vuttufying to him.


Thats all for now. There, I'm done with the post.

A life is a life is a life

Life's a bitch,
That last minute hitch.
Throws you lemons,
Shows you demons.


Life's double the time I spend on facebook,
Its the last page of my notebook.


Life's a satire sung to sad tunes,
Life's a parody of pathos.


Its the dawn that never broke,
Full of hearts which were silent and never spoke.


Sometimes it sucks to the core,
Otherwise its simply a bore.


Life's poetry that doesn't rhyme,
Often there's not much time.


Life's you,
Life's me,
It gets better when we say we.


Its the smell of a new born,
Sweet like the cream on corn.


Life is when you feel every letter,
Sometimes it just can't get any better.


Life is hot coffee in the morning,
Atleast once a day it gets annoying.


Life's a goodnight's sleep,
Same law for the poor and the rich.
And all in all life's a bitch.

The man in the mirror

The author may or may not be drunk, this may or may not be fictional and you may or may not continue reading any further.People who cannot read English in Tamil and Tamil in English, please to learn before you continue reading this.


Macha, there's this ponnu da. I know here for like a few days, lets not say 5 months. shhhh. She is mad about me. Haha impossible no?  Brilliant macha you are. I am mad about her, hmm not really but we'll assume so. You know what the problem is? Let me tell you. I speak to her da, say Hi how are you and all that. Not like I say to others macha, I say hi beacuse she waves back beautifully. I'll show you someday, no no I won't. See, like this only, like this she waves back at me. I say hi and I wait macha. I wouldn't know what to ask next. If I ask how are you she'd say you asked me the same thing when you saw me yesterday, no? Correct macha, girls get bored soon. You know what girls get bored of me soon da. Guess why? I get bored of them too. Sweet, no? Life's x^2+y^=r^2 macha. That math teacher no? Kannadi female. She said that wrongly, so funny it was. Coming back, she waves back subtly da. Also when I ask how are you I care to know macha. I don't remember what I had for breakfast, but i still remember that green color dress she wore on that day, no don say it was that physics test. shhhh. And thats all, my creativity ends. Evlo I write here? But then I'm on my highest mokka point when I'm around her macha. Crazy no? You know what the sad part is? This guy, no? He fell in love badly with that girl and now he is telling  his story to us haha. Thevaya for him all this? He doesn't even know to say it out da. Worst no? We've watched so many movies together but then adhellam impossible da. Its been long since he met her even. He got busy, no no she got busy, wait where's he? Ok let me continue. I got busy with classes and so couldn't meet her da. Its hard  macha also it hurts to think of getting over it macha. Trust me, getting over is not like a hangover macha, its ten times, no twenty times worse than that. Thalavali da. You wouldn't know. Waste fellow you are. Wait let me get up. Here he is. What he did no? He felt shy, probably not brave enough. He thinks he's worthless macha. Hey? Where are you? Forget him. Velaikagadha payan da. I'll tell you, I found it hard to tell her da and now I can see I lost her. Not to someone else macha, but I simply lost her. Why? Hello? Hey ? Oh no,power cut. Where are you? hello?
Damn you! Man in the mirror. 

Probably the worst post ever, still. Thanks for having read through. I haven't gained enough drinking experience to simulate, though, Vaazhga Tamil cinema for having taught me this.

The usual suspects

Clearly, longer your post the more uninviting it is to the eye of your reader. But its seldom that i'm able to make myself write something huge and at the same time worthy of a second read to myself.

This is what I feel after receiving feedback like "Too lengthy", "Started reading, but slept half way through", "Will read the second half in my re-birth" and "Did you even type the whole thing?"

So, before I fill my current post with my opinions on my previous post here we go.

Had a blue week, eight of the seven days were bad.Fights and failed.. no epic failed tests.Days were as boring as they could get.This is life's irony.Good things don't happen when you don't want them to.( Sigh, I can't restrict myself from using the word Life in my posts and sure as hell the post gets labelled philosophical) 

From the polambals in the first few lines to the pombalais that I come across everyday, there are reasons you,me and he state for anything that happens in your,mine and his life.And the blame game, love it dontcha?

These are the usual suspects:

Fate:

"Thy hath been destined to suffer".

This is one reason which is as lame as anything can get. 

Luck: 

Sheldon doesn't believe in luck.Enough said.

God: 

Ha! Name to be used in the beginning,end and in the middle of all crisis.

Yourself: 

No.That wouldn't be fair on my part.

The curious case of muniyandi mutton..

"Indha hotel la biriyani kedaikuma?"
(Will biriyani be available in this hotel?)


"Aama idhu periya Muniyandi vilas.Biriyani irundhutta mattum"
(Well,like this is 'Muniyandi vilas',even if there was its not going to be good)


Numerous such conversations have been heard by me.For instance,all halwas are compared to Tirunelveli halwa because there's a particular halwa maker who made Tirunelveli famous for halwas.This is a factual and obvious reference.So many places in India have become references for stuff they are seldom famous for.


Like, "Ivaru periya George bush.English la thaan pesuvaro" (You think you're George bush or what? Will you speak nothing but English?) 


This is highly irrelevant considering George Bush and almost all the Americans for that matter speak English in the most crappy way possible.


Acting like Bombay heroines, Playing like Sachin, Writing poetry like Shakespeare(I bet people who uses this can never comprehend a single verse from his works.Trust me, his wife ran away) all these are insane references.Bombay heroines cannot act,Sachin's son is not able to imitate him and Shakespeare need I say more? 

If this they call it sarcasm either they are too old or too dumb.
I'd say Dancing like Bhagyaraj,Poetry like Mirchi Shiva,Six like Gavaskar and Sex like Rakhi Sawant might fall under Sarcasm of my age.Get updated,Get upgraded.

Vent..

I really wish I could put an end to all this.
Lonely, left out tired of saying all this.
Sucks when you get a goodnight as a reply when you send hi.
My eye is getting worse.Probably Conjun-fucking-tivitis.
I need a break.
I need a filter.
I need a vent.
Its been long since I cried.
I don't want to.
I've learnt being strong is the only option.
That blank and shallow vacuum,I have started seeing it quite so often lately.
I wish i could get away from all this.
I need a break.
You of all people!
 The movie thing.
The thing that left me.Rather left us.
The way I have become hard on the outside all the while feeling terrible inside.
I need a break.I want to go away.
From all of you.For a long time.Long that you'll stop missing me.Long that I'll stop missing you.
I really wish I could put an end to it.