தொட்டில் பழக்கம்

நேற்று உடையாத பொம்மை இன்று உடையுமா என்று தொட்டிலில் இருந்த படி யோசனை

இன்றைய கதையிலாவது ராஜா போரில் தோற்றாரா என்ற சிந்தனை

இன்றும் அரிசிக்கலவை  தானா இல்லை அப்பாவுக்கு மதிய உணவுடன் அனுப்பப்படும் சத்தமெழுப்பும் அப்பளத்துண்டை தர அம்மாவுக்கு தைரியம் வருமா என்ற கவலை

முத்தமிடுகையில் குத்தும் அப்பாவின்  மீசையை தவிர்க்க முகத்தை இன்று  எந்த திசையில் திருப்பலாம் என்ற மனக்குழப்பம்

நான் சொன்ன முதல் வார்த்தை 'அம்மா' தான் என்றும் 'அப்பா' தான் என்றும் சண்டையை இன்றைக்கும் தூங்குவதைப்போல் நடித்தால் கேட்டு மகிழமுடியுமா?


இப்படி பழக்கப்படுத்திவிட்டு

இன்று ஞாயிறு ஆயிற்றே பேருந்து வருமோ வராதோ சம்பளத்தில் பிடித்துவிடுவானோ என்று கவலைப்பட கற்றுக்கொடுத்தது தான் யார்?

Long due

It has been a while. Not just a while. It has been years. 

3 years and a few months to be precise.

Its like getting hit so hard that I'm on my knees and I have lost all the strength to get back up. 

I am exhausted. I always thought giving my best meant reaping the rewards for the effort that went in. I never once realized that my best need not always be good enough.

Its hard. Its like walking down some road blindfolded, knowing that there's a cliff in the end.

I had to come back to this place. 

I had to ask for help. 

It happened again today. After a long time. After giving everything and losing it all.

I prayed.

The dark side of Facebook

Everybody and their dog has an account on Facebook today. But do you take enough care to ensure that your data (photos, posts and the rest) remain as safe as possible?

Facebook as a social media platform serves more as a photo album for most people these days. But the sad part of all this is that people do not have control of what's posted on the internet. 

In the movie Social Network, Mark Zuckerberg's then girlfriend Erica Albright says

The internet's not written in pencil, its written in ink.

People should understand the seriousness of this point. When you post something on the internet, it is almost always impossible to remove all traces of it. Do a Google search of your name and see for yourself. 

Everyday I see so many people upload photos of everyday happenings. Men, women, dogs and cats alike. How secure are these photos? How much control do you have on who sees and doesn't get to see these photos? Not much. But you can ensure it is as safe as Facebook allows you to be. 

You ask me why you have to care about taking the effort to make changes to your privacy settings on Facebook?

Take a look at this page: One of the million ugly pages on Facebook This is just one of the so many pages that share photos of women that are publicly available on Facebook, rate them, discuss them and post obscene comments about the women whom they don't know all this without the knowledge of the respected girl. You could be happily uploading your picture showcasing the new pretty dress you bought for your birthday, which would then get shared across the world for perverted men to discuss things about you in public. Please go report abuse on that Facebook page, you'd be doing good to someone's sister/wife/girlfriend.


Try not to upload a lot of personal photographs. Getting 'likes' and comments praising you are of course internet validation metrics, but definitely not at this cost.

I'd like to list a few things that you can follow to ensure that your photos on Facebook are protected:


Use Facebook's privacy settings. They provide you with options to control right from the person who can message you to the persons whom you can completely block.

This can be found by clicking the 'lock icon' found in the top right corner of your Facebook page.  If you click 'Who can see my stuff?',  you'll see something like this:

Make sure you change the 'Who can see my future posts?' to 'Friends' or choose a list of people if you've created one such list already. If you click 'Use Activity Log' you can see what all you've done on Facebook. Right from the posts you 'liked', to the comments you posted and also the posts you hid from your timeline. This cannot be accessed by anyone but yourself, use this to check and monitor your own activity.


If you click 'Who can contact me?' you'll see something like this:

I suggest you choose the 'Strict filtering' option unless you care about messages from people you do not know. Also the second option helps you choose who can send friend requests to you.

If you want to block someone, make use of the third option. You'll see something like this:

If you click 'See more settings' you'll be taken to this window where you can alter setting concerning tags, posts, timeline and how others see your timeline.

SETTINGS SPECIFIC TO COVER PHOTOS AND DISPLAY PICTURES:


As a thumb rule, ask people before uploading their photos. Even if you're changing your display picture which has someone along with you (man, woman, dog, cat doesn't matter) ask them if they would mind. It is polite and would avoid unnecessary trouble.


Remember the following:

1) Your cover photos are ALWAYS PUBLIC. You are not allowed to change the visibility settings of your cover photos so as much as you can, ensure you don't upload photos of yourself or your friends which you do not want to be shared. 

2) Your CURRENT PROFILE PICTURE is PUBLIC. So when you upload a picture as your DP it is by default public. When you upload a new profile picture, you'll see something like this:

Instead of 'Friends' it will say 'Public'. Click on that to change it to 'Friends'. If you keep it as 'Friends of friends', people who are friends with your friends and are NOT your friend will be able to access it. As far as I know, even this is potentially dangerous.


I think everyone who uses Facebook must follow at least these basic steps to take care of their Facebook data, especially photos. Pass this to your friends and family so that they can avoid unnecessary trouble.

I'm ashamed to be a man

I did not want to write about this. 

Everybody has made their point. They want the rapists to be killed, castrated, burnt, stoned to death.

What were they waiting for? Why today? Were they waiting to see how violent men can get? This is not the first time something as brutal as this has happened. Rapes happen everyday. We talk about it, we sign petitions, we go on protest marches but what can we do about it? Nothing. Because there is nothing to do. Punishment solves the problem? Do you think the victims care about that? No. 

The media and most of us are using this opportunity to be heard. Branding Delhi as the rape capital. How is that civilized? That man would have raped a woman if he was from Delhi, Madras or Varanasi. 

You suggest education. Flawed.

Where are we going wrong? Educating the men about women? Education doesn't solve anything. At least not in this country. We are taught history and science and math. And we copy from our friend during the exam. Are we sufficiently educated in math?  

You suggest spreading awareness. Flawed.

After 60 odd years of independence, 10 five-year plans and schools and colleges, men are not ashamed to pee in public. Awareness much? 

If you are reading this looking for a solution to all this please stop and carry on with your work. I am not suggesting a solution because there is none. Writing articles, updating Facebook statuses and tweeting about rape and the effects of it will not make a change. The ten men who ganged up on the girl couple of days back were the same ten men who read the newspaper article on a 5 year old being raped a week back, a 20 year old being raped 10 days back. The same men who 'liked' and shared a facebook update on saving all women who are targetted by sex thirsty animals on their way back home. A rapist is reading this now. He will be done with this article go out and rape a woman, because it is okay to destroy the life of a 5 year old kid or a 50 year old woman for the sake of his pleasure. Because it is okay. Because he is a man. Because he has a penis. That is a superpower in this wretched country. 

In this sovereign democratic secular republic country, all a girl has to do to get raped is walk home after watching a movie, in broad daylight. 

You suggest self-defense. Flawed.

When ten brutal animals gang up on one girl what amount of self-defense will help? A revolver has 6 bullets. These animals will wait for the victim to exhaust all that, then rape her. Because sex is important than another person's life. Because raping a woman is a badass act. Because the movies say so. The man who rapes a girl in a movie drives a BMW. Because lust trumps every human emotion. It is sacrilegious to use the word human in this post because the men in this country are anything but human. 

What else can be done? I don't know. Do you? No. We can hang 10 men. And 10 more rapists are born the next day. You think they are not aware of the prison sentence? No. 

I am scared. I am scared for the people around me. I am scared for my friends. I am scared for my family. I am scared because these men are widening their borders of cruelty everyday. 

I am scared.


I did not want to write about this because all that has to be written has been written. I did not want to write about this because I did not want attention. I did not want to be called an hypocrite.  I did not want to write about this because I don't know what she went through. No amount of explanation will make me realize that. I did not want to write about this because I am a man. I did not want to write about this because I am ashamed to be a man.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed to be a man. I am ashamed to be a man in this country.