I'm ashamed to be a man

I did not want to write about this. 

Everybody has made their point. They want the rapists to be killed, castrated, burnt, stoned to death.

What were they waiting for? Why today? Were they waiting to see how violent men can get? This is not the first time something as brutal as this has happened. Rapes happen everyday. We talk about it, we sign petitions, we go on protest marches but what can we do about it? Nothing. Because there is nothing to do. Punishment solves the problem? Do you think the victims care about that? No. 

The media and most of us are using this opportunity to be heard. Branding Delhi as the rape capital. How is that civilized? That man would have raped a woman if he was from Delhi, Madras or Varanasi. 

You suggest education. Flawed.

Where are we going wrong? Educating the men about women? Education doesn't solve anything. At least not in this country. We are taught history and science and math. And we copy from our friend during the exam. Are we sufficiently educated in math?  

You suggest spreading awareness. Flawed.

After 60 odd years of independence, 10 five-year plans and schools and colleges, men are not ashamed to pee in public. Awareness much? 

If you are reading this looking for a solution to all this please stop and carry on with your work. I am not suggesting a solution because there is none. Writing articles, updating Facebook statuses and tweeting about rape and the effects of it will not make a change. The ten men who ganged up on the girl couple of days back were the same ten men who read the newspaper article on a 5 year old being raped a week back, a 20 year old being raped 10 days back. The same men who 'liked' and shared a facebook update on saving all women who are targetted by sex thirsty animals on their way back home. A rapist is reading this now. He will be done with this article go out and rape a woman, because it is okay to destroy the life of a 5 year old kid or a 50 year old woman for the sake of his pleasure. Because it is okay. Because he is a man. Because he has a penis. That is a superpower in this wretched country. 

In this sovereign democratic secular republic country, all a girl has to do to get raped is walk home after watching a movie, in broad daylight. 

You suggest self-defense. Flawed.

When ten brutal animals gang up on one girl what amount of self-defense will help? A revolver has 6 bullets. These animals will wait for the victim to exhaust all that, then rape her. Because sex is important than another person's life. Because raping a woman is a badass act. Because the movies say so. The man who rapes a girl in a movie drives a BMW. Because lust trumps every human emotion. It is sacrilegious to use the word human in this post because the men in this country are anything but human. 

What else can be done? I don't know. Do you? No. We can hang 10 men. And 10 more rapists are born the next day. You think they are not aware of the prison sentence? No. 

I am scared. I am scared for the people around me. I am scared for my friends. I am scared for my family. I am scared because these men are widening their borders of cruelty everyday. 

I am scared.


I did not want to write about this because all that has to be written has been written. I did not want to write about this because I did not want attention. I did not want to be called an hypocrite.  I did not want to write about this because I don't know what she went through. No amount of explanation will make me realize that. I did not want to write about this because I am a man. I did not want to write about this because I am ashamed to be a man.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed to be a man. I am ashamed to be a man in this country.

We don't have your money.

Firstly I'd like to establish the fact that College of Engineering, Guindy and Anna University, Guindy are not one and the same. CEG is a college housed inside the University, that's pretty much the only difference between the relationship between CEG and Anna University and the relationship between other affiliated colleges and the University (Apart from the curriculum, certification and all those techs). 

The final exams (laboratory and the theory papers) are held across the state by a body of the University called the Controller of Examinations (COE). The exams for the University departments which includes the four constituent colleges housed inside the University (College of Engineering - Guindy, Madras Institute of Technology - Chrompet, A.C. College of Technology - Guindy and School of Architecture and Planning - Guindy) are also conducted by the COE. So apart from the question papers and the people who evaluate the answer scripts there is almost zero difference between the examination procedure of the University departments and those of the affiliated colleges. 

In the University departments, once the exams are done the papers reach the controller of examinations and they are evaluated during a certain evaluation period. All those are irrelevant because, remember this, all the answer scripts are given dummy roll numbers and are evaluated by people who don't have any idea of the candidate whose answer script they are holding. So, all you people who think the evaluation procedures are rigged, please change your opinion.

Similarly, for the affiliated colleges, once the exams are done the answer scripts reach the correction centers and then professors from various colleges are appointed to evaluate those scripts. Al this is done by the University and College of Engineering has no part to play. It serves as one of the correction centers if I am not wrong. 

Re-evaluation:

Re-evaluation is done under pretty much the same circumstances. After the results are published candidates are allowed to apply for re-evaluation of their answer scripts incase they are not satisfied with the outcome of the correction process. Same goes for the students of the University departments also. Even the fee that is collected for the re-evaluation are the same. 

All this is done under the control of the University not CEG.


Technical and cultural fests at CEG:

There are two international technical and cultural festivals Kurukshetra and Techofes in the month of January and February respectively. These fests are conducted by two student bodies namely : The CEG Tech Forum (CTF) and the Students Association and Arts Society). Each fest is planned well in advance (right after the year's event is done, next year's planning starts) and students across all four years of Engineering and across all the branches work on every single area to make the fests happen. By all areas I mean every single one of them. Right from advertisements to finance, from industry relations to logistic support everything is handled by the students under the guidance of staff advisors. 

Sponsors:

There is this general opinion that all the re-evaluation fee collected from the affiliated colleges go in as funds for these two festivals. I am yet to come across a bigger load of nonsense. Like I said, the University and college are symbiotic bodies all the while operating mutually exclusive with each other. There is a separate team for marketing and sponsorship comprising entirely of students who go around and meet people from all sectors and hunt for sponsorship. It is not an easy task at all. I personally have seen so many of my friends going around and attending meetings without even breaking for lunch. After doing all this, they don't even expect credit. This shows how much of a responsibility these people are carrying on their shoulders without even expecting being mentioned. And after all this, the talk among the students from the other colleges is that all the funds are from their pockets and we have it easy. Well, NO. Every single penny is a result of a day's work of meeting and convincing people to support our events. In turn they get amazing recognition and branding. 

So next time your friend from another college says it is his re-evaluation money we are using to hold college fests, make him read this.

Success

I was walking along. There was a crowd. I wanted to know what was happening. Curiosity always gets the better of me. So, I walked in the midst of those people. They were telling each other their experiences. They seemed really happy. The one that isn't fake. There was no need for drama there. The moment seemed priceless to those people. They were smiling. I observed them carefully, real carefully. 


Some of them were crying. They weren't sad or anything. In fact, they were smiling amidst tears. I didn't understand how that worked but they did seem happy. But they were crying. I observed them carefully. I tried to figure out what was happening. 


Some of them seemed like they were lost in thoughts. I wished I could read their thoughts. They did not seem lost though. Their eyes were clear. They had a certain Zen which was unbelievable. Again, I couldn't understand how it worked. I took it all in. At least I tried to. 


I came back home. I stood in front of the mirror. I remembered all those faces. I tried to do whatever they did. I smiled. Smiled so wide. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I cried. Silently. I tried to remember all the awful things that had happened to me. I cried. I cried till I choked. And then I tried smiling, smiling between tears. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I freshened up. Tried to get lost in thoughts. I started thinking and wondering about stuff like, why is darkness black. Why should earth be habitable. And so many other questions that I thought were unanswered. I thought this is how they must have felt.


I couldn't decide. I couldn't fix on a single emotion. I was curious to find out. Then I thought, someday I'll realize what success feels like.




This was something I wanted to write about. Don't leave condolences and consolations as comments. Thanks in advance.

Fourth world problems

So many centuries back, some knowledgeable people (who probably were the ancestors of today's knowledgeable Chennai crowd) classified people into four kinds (or varnas, for the Sanskrit-ly inclined). People those days didn't do much except praying, fighting or something like that. The four divisions were 


Kshatriyas- people who fought.
Brahmanas - people who performed scholarly activities (like reading The Hindu from top to bottom)
Vaisyas - people who bought and sold things, merchant folk.
Sudras - people who did physical labor.


Today, three of the four classifications have merged with multiple regional and religion based sects and what remains in the Brahmanas and that too only in the name. I call this group the fourth world.


I think just because they were self proclaimed scholars in the ancient times there are a million hurdles and loopholes to make sure none of the modern day citizens of the fourth world would be eligible to carry out the pursuit of knowledge. 


The fourth world is also referred to as the 'forward community' in pop culture. That's like the best irony inspired name ever. It gives tough competition to terms like relative grading, flash mob, engineering college and music director Harris Jeyaraj. 


In the mark driven educational society today, the fourth world can only sustain itself if it chooses to embrace illiteracy. I mean come on, there are so many jobs one can end up without getting a degree. 


"What is your percentage in class 10?"


"98%"


"Good. What about class 12?"


"99.5%"


"Very good, very good. Where is your community certificate?"

"I don't have one. Forward community."


"Oh."


"You should've worked hard in class 12. You are 4% short of the cut off."


"But I have 99.5% already."


"I know. But that's what the system says. The system is never wrong."


Well, the system is never wrong. No?

Okay. So, if I decide to follow my ancestors and resort to priestly professions, even they are competitive. People fight reservations, finish doctorates in posh foreign universities and once they get married, they come back to India, put their kids in PSBB, grow a pony tail and become vaaddhiyaars. So if I finish school with a meagre 98% and try getting into one such profession, I will be ineligible for that also. What should I do tell me? I think this is all a master plan to make sure nobody from the forward community remains to fight against reservation. They are aiming at a society filled with peace and harmony by waiting till all the people of the fourth world die.


Lets look at the possible jobs where there are no reservations:


1. Item dancer - best possible job. But men cannot apply because of penis and poonal.

2. Bodyguard for the dons/mafia heads - not possible because of curd rice.


3. Politician - No money, no politics. Yes money, no need of politics. Paradox.

And a few others like amateur photographer, social media expert etc. People used to become writers but these days one needs an MBA from the IIMs to become a writer. 


So to sum up one does not simply be born as a citizen of the fourth world and also expect decent education. Oh wait, you cannot control that.


Pesama naanum kalacharatha kaapatha poidlamnu iruken.