What if..

Those few faithful readers(read it as unfortunate) may have found a common theme among my posts.. yes .. don repeat.. lamenting... constant and as wild as it can get.. I tend to do this as this is the only place where i can do it the easier way.. where I don see scornful looks, yawning mouths,uncomfortable people and the like..

yet another lament.. nth post.. yeah.. /*lament alert*/

I found out,as usual too late to find out anything good( like a good book or a good friend for instance) , that in my university there's this prospect of changing departments or even campuses is possible(may be this is yet another rumour that prevails.. ~~who knows~~) BUT FOR TOPPERS.. blah!

~~What if I prospered well in academics..

~~What if I really got that golden chance..

~~What if the colleges had a better modus operandi of admitting students..

~~What if my class din have those maniacs and studying machines whose world is all filled with first rows and text books..

~~What if I were one among those sickest of the sick people..

~~What if there really is something called good luck..

~~What if life's something that could get close to being fair( atleast once!!)..

~~What if I had sensed all this a bit earlier..

~~What if subjects were atleast in the same zip code as interesting..

~~What if i hadn't known anything fun except books..

~~What if there were real tests instead of stereotype memory evaluation processes..

~~What if..

~~What if....

~~What if......

It's always nice to play this WHAT IF game.. Life is fair only for those who dream and dream alone.. for reality is the opposite of dreams literally and yeah truly because whatever happens in your dreams is not supposed to happen in reality( not even by chance .. then you'll be doomed as a lucky guy),not even accidentally..

After all this please don come to the conclusion that this is yet another grief of the severely disappointed, highly let down, socially unstable,academically unfit, mentally depressed( read it as supressed.. for if i mention it I'll be deemed as a socio-path) seventeen year old.. yes I'm all this but there's the society and society means people who speak eye to eye and constantly suggest that somewhere in the 44th lane in the islands of Bali there's this street hawker who has got worse problems than that of mine..(gimme a break.. who cares if others have a bigger problem) and hence i have to keep a smiling face all the time though i cry deep down in my heart.. The irksome feeling of a dream being shattered in front of my eyes.. proclaiming this: WELCOME TO REALITY ..

And here I'm.. still unsure of my current position in my life cycle( whatever they say that it is) having put up a smile and walking through the city streets as if nothing more than a sun-burn had hurt me ever since my birth.. and am smiling.. :) because of(read it as for) those few people who really count in my life.. who really mean it when they wish I see better days in my life.. friends and family whoever cared to wipe those tears off my face... and yeah am smiling.. with gratitude and love.. :)

Excerpts from the tear smudged pages of the disturbed teenage..

Yours Happily..

Vignesh.. :)

On a winter night.. Full of frost bite..

I see at the sky..

Silently wondering why..

On a winter night..

Full of frost bite..

The cold breeze..

Flowing with ease..

On a winter night..

Full of frost bite..

My body freezing..

Thoughts releasing..

My mind still wondering..

Cells trying some pondering..

Life is a struggle..

Or so they told..

Holding secrets so many..

And stories untold..

Times are really dark..

Days randomly unfold..

They turn beautiful..

Only on the way we behold..

Here I stand by the window sill..

The world moves but I stand still..

Blame my ill-luck..

And also my poor fate..

My lucky charm and lady-luck..

Have happily gone for a date..

Though progress is down the slope..

There's still the solemn hope..

Life's a surprise..

God never gives any clues..

With stress on the rise..

Me singing my semester blues..

On a winter night..

Full of frost bite..

Couldn help laughin at my own post.. See what engineering has done to me.. :)

Vignesh..:)

Live.. and let me live ;)

I'm this guy who dreams big .. rather huge.. about my life..I give a lot of space to think about myself above anything or anyone in this world..There's so much to do.. so much to learn in this short stint called "LIFE".I'm yet another 17 year old who's anxious rather skeptical about what i'm going to be.Today i want to be this and the next day i wanna be that.. I have thought about every possible role that i could take upon.. from an archaeologist to a cryptographer.. a teacher to a photographer.. Each role fits me better than the previous one.Ofcourse i can't be everything all at the same time.. what am i meant to be? Am i in some sort of quest with my life.. Till i was in school i thought college would be a place where i'd start finding out new things in me.. exploring myself or seeing changes in myself.. Till today college has been anything but these..What am i upto.. i'm so impatient,curious,excited and what not about what i'm going to be tomorrow.. Dreams are so promising and reality sucks as always so I just can't count on those.. Still it fascinates me everytime I look back at how my life has changed.. The fact is that it hasn't changed much.. Am still the same old chirpy smile-at-anything-and-anyone guy..The things people said like life would take hairpin bends after school seems untrue though not entirely.. i have been meeting people of all kinds.. peolpe who influence and inspire you in a way you wouldn't have dreamed about.. It fascinates me to know that there are people of every kind.. those which wouldn't even exist in strange fictional novels.. Yet everyone is happy in their own way.. sad in their own way.. everyone's just like me.. having their own take on others.. Strange yet true.. so true.. And i'm one among the trillion population having my own take on my fellow beings and myself(those which will sound extremely hilarious)and its great to live life on my own terms to be inspired and not influenced by anyone except myself.. and at the same time waiting for 'that' perfect role..

:)

Poetry that wasn't..

/* This could be one of the most boring posts you ever laid your eyes upon*/

Inspired by the movie October sky..

I rhyme this as tears flow by..

I have been me..

Since i was born..

Always trusting..

On the faint forlorn..

Many a tear may fall..

With no hands but mine to wipe..

But with a ray of hope..

That someday i'll stand tall..

You bet you know me well..

I assure you that is not all..

There's always The inside me..

That none but i know it all..

Made ways not to me but the rest..

With no ounce short of that big thirst..

To learn and to fulfil many..

Always in search of my destiny..

I'm not what i wanted to be..

None really is for that matter..

Someday i wish i could be..

To endure all that laughter..

I laugh at my inside jokes..

Smiling at the way people make fun of me..

I'm not yet what i'm meant to be..

Long way before" that's all folks"..

There may be many a mighty fall..

That would never stop it all..

The crawl towards success..

Always means progress nonetheless..

The day would dawn when you'll be proud..

When i'd stand apart all the crowd..

I dunno why i spell this rhyme..

Speaking all about bad time..

The day yet has not arrived..

To decide upon that golden wish..

Putting forth a forward stride..

Towards the things to accomplish..

This rhyme remains unfinished..

So does my destiny..

Waiting for itself to be furnished..

I still haven't figured out why I resorted to write this.. Its fun to just pour out words.. Sounds silly.. but try it out when you're depressed or deeply moved.. It works out so well.. Sorry about this post anyway..

:)

meri jaan theri hei meri paa.. meri jaan theri hei meri maa.. :)

I'm yet another lucky son who hasn't yet found words to thank his parents.. The above lines, a song from the movie "paa" gave the necessary impetus for me to try and thank my Mom n Dad for whatever they have done and are doing to keep my tomorrows better than the todays.

Whatever I am today is what you were yesterday...

Whatever I am going to be tomorrow is because of what you are today..

I thank God from the bottom of my heart to have blessed me with a lovely mom n dad .. :)

truly..

Meri jaan theri hei meri paa..

Meri jaan theri hei meri maa..

vignesh.. :)

Memoirs of madras...

Madras ..Chennai.. whateve you call it.. This is the place to be .. this is the place to have fun and concerning myself this is home to me!!.. Be it the marina or the citi centre .. wat doesn't chennai have? Posh families to pani puris.. chennai jus rocks.. being born and brought up in Chennai am out and out a typical Madrasi.

I started exploring major parts of Chennai only during my class 12 holidays and.. man that was fun!! 8-10 of us roaming aimlessly in Chennai.. golden days..these days are something I'll cherish for a lifetime..Those beach trips are the most memorable.

The snaps we took..

Those "molaga bajjis" at the marina..

Plans of beach cricket..

Velachery train..

Nanganallur temple..

Window shopping at citi centre..

Vetri and velan theatres..

Early morning cricket..

Late night chats..

Cards at bammu's place..

Cricket at Ragul's place..

Hareesh's sis's marriage..

Shopping at landmark( only we know wat we did)..

'Sight'-seeing at the sea-shore..

Yahoo conferences..

Bet match..

Losing to that bacha team..

Playing with those annas' team..

Occasional Football..

Result tension..

Meetings with simply no reason..

Dreams and promises of staying in touch forever..

Re-thinking and re- living school days..

Innumerable discussions about..

Sai's sanskrit papers..

KP's scoldings..

Lunch time galattas..

Computer periods..

Those are the days which I'd say that I really 'LIVED' my life.. I'm left with tears when I'm forced to think that those days would never come back.. even today we keep meeting each other.. still everyone's got their own part to play.. their own piece of pie to bite.. As we all planned and promised I hope we all would remain closer than ever until forever dies...

Vignesh.. :)

(I hope)

In the end ..

I have a dream..

The place was so glee...

Where troubles forever flee..

Where everyone was good at heart...

Where relations never fell apart..

We shared everything ...

Worse or good..

Purse or food...

We were taught manners..

And to climb up ladders...

Caught in every lil trouble..

Walked through every lil pebble...

Where we sharpened our mind..

Where we met people of every kind...

Where although we lost..

We never were defeated...

We learned to forgive..

But ofcourse not to forget...

We moved up in calibre..

Far away from each other...

We miss those days..

More than yesterday...

Lesser than tomorrow..

The passing days are mighty blows..

So far yet so close...

For all the ways we cared..

For all the things we shared...

Take me back in time..

These days are not worth a dime...

Words flow just like a stream..

Even today I have that dream...

And now I stand in the end..

Wishing life never took that bend..

vignesh.. :)

(I hope)